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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25818274">Let My Hands Find Your Skin</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doughy_chloe/pseuds/Doughy_chloe'>Doughy_chloe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Chubby!Kirk, Clothes and makeup aren't gendered!!, Cuddly!Spock, Drunk!Spock, Fluff, Healthy communication!!, Jealousy, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Non-binary character, Non-binary!Kirk, Panic Attack, Possessive Spock (Star Trek), Purring, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Spock purring, They have have amazing fashion and no one can tell me different!!, They wear makeup!!, Vulcan Kisses, but like not really, emotionally intelligent!Spock, just cause honestly, like just some nice scrumptious touching, literal petting, respectful kings!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:36:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25818274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doughy_chloe/pseuds/Doughy_chloe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Humans have a very peculiar way of finding people compatible for mating, at least in Spock's reserved opinion. The process is sudden and unpredictable, therefore not scientifically researched, leading to minimal facts and only mere theories to the true reason for it. Meaning Spock files it away as another illogical human inconsistency and stomps out his curiosity about the slim chance of the existence of his own.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James T. Kirk &amp; Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James T. Kirk/Spock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Ratio's Comeback</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! this is literally only the second fic ive ever posted so pls be gentle and i hope you like my ENTIRELY self-indulgent mess!! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>     Humans have a very peculiar way of finding people compatible for mating, at least in Spock's reserved opinion. The process is sudden and unpredictable, therefore not scientifically researched, leading to minimal facts and only mere theories to the true reason for it. Meaning Spock files it away as another illogical human inconsistency and stomps out his curiosity about the slim chance of the existence of his own. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>****</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     The formation of black markings on a human's skin after the first instance of skin on skin contact to indicate biological compatibility, has baffled Spock since he first heard the stories from his mother. As a child, he fell asleep to her personal story of finding her ‘soulmate’ (he deemed this the emotional human translation of suitable mates), otherwise known as his father, Sarek. She used words like magical, lovely and enchanting but he failed to recognize how these words could describe the simple change of skin pigmentation. His mother's mark had been visible his whole life, a simple black pigmentation on the palm side of her right hand, on the first two fingers and top two knuckles. It appeared seconds after his parents shared their first ozh’esta (or vulcan finger caress). </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Spock was merely seven when he read every scientific journal and theory on humans soulmates he could gain access to on Vulcan, there weren't many. He could not scientifically calculate his own chance of having a soulmate but deemed it reasonable to assume he had a fifty percent chance due to his split lineage. Whether this was a good or bad thing he could not logically decide. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     The ratio of fifty-fifty chance seemed to fluctuate over time. As he rejected the Vulcan Science Academy and fled to his mother’s home planet, finding refuge in Starfleet, his imaginary ratio was forgotten. Overtaken by his studying and complete lack of interest in romantic or sexual relationships and he merely seemed to stumble upon friendships throughout the years. Within those friendships however, he did observe the growing rate of black marks as time passed and the amplified number of couplings. He also subconsciously noted in the large number of aliens to humans couplings where, similar to his own parents, only the human seemed to obtain a mark, but both parties accepted the label ‘soulmates’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     His absurd ratio doesn't seem to make an appearance again until his year of being a teacher's assistant after graduation, when he meets Jim Kirk for the first time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Spock had heard rumors of the third year cadet from colleagues and friends, which filled the range from excellent to horrible, but nothing could have mentally prepared him for what he actually was. It was at a Starfleet event that Spock was invited to by Admiral Pike and, evidently, so was Kirk. The Admiral ushered them together at the start of the event for introductions and what Spock deemed meaningless banter. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     He learns much about Kirk from the Admiral, like his aspiration to be a Starfleet captain and his hard work in his accelerated command track. As the Admiral genuinely gushed about Kirk, it gave Spock time to take in his physical appearance and note the oddities it provided. Starting from his very conservative form of dress, a black suit not very different from his own, down to black gloves encasing his hands, to his too blue eyes, outlined in smudges of black eyeliner, and slightly rounded hips. By the end of Admiral Pike’s speech, Spock also noticed a very enticing red flush to Kirk’s golden cheeks and decided to file away his own fond reaction for later meditation. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Spock is further bemused when Kirk looks him in the eyes and implements a very passable Ta’al and fluently says “Tonk’peh savensu,” or ‘hello professor’ in Vulcan. He can barely suppress the widening of his eyes as he takes in the greeting, it having been years since someone on earth made an effort to include Vulcan dialect into conversation. He reciprocates with the Ta’al and short vulcan greeting of “Tonk’peh ne-lan,” or ‘hello cadet’. From his peripheral, Spock can see the Admirals wide smile as he looks between the pair but can't parse out what caused such a reaction. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Kirk moves closer, taking two steps forward and stopping just short of a foot away from Spock’s chest. Spock dutifully notes that Jim must incline his head to accommodate for their height difference, the information makes the heart in his side illogically speed up as he looks down at the cadet. Kirk beams up at him and asks “It’s nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Spock is not familiar with how to reply so he simply says “And I you,” he notes a fractional uplift in Kirk’s smile and feels his own lips try to lift in response. He prepares mentally for a very long meditation session that night.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Spock gathers much about Jim after talking for almost the entire duration of the event. Like his flirtatious and charismatic personality he seems to broadcast to everyone, if the inconvenient interruptions by possible suitors are anything to go by. He finds himself illogically disliking Jims attention on anyone else but him. However he also finds cryptic satisfaction slithering its way up his spine every time Kirk turns back towards him, effectively getting rid of the suitor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Kirk’s attitude rubs off so much through the night that Spock finds himself flirting back in his own Vulcan way. Allowing clothed touch for larger increments than he was used to and subtly trying to have their fingers touch, even with Jim’s gloved fingers it still felt scandalous.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>    The conversation flowed so easily that the next time Spock looked around, he found but few people meandering the venue’s open space indicating the end of the event. They had been at the bar huddled together, knees touching as Kirk tells an overzealous story of how he drove his stepdads car off a cliff, when Spock noticed his lack of knowledge about the time. He hasn’t lost track of time like this since he was a child and his mother told him stories to put him to bed. Jim must see his almost frantic look-around for a source of time because he plants a hand on Spock’s knee and looks up at him concernedly.“Is everything alright? You look spooked.” Jim asks. Spock finally finds the clock, it reads 12:36 am, and he lets out an almost inaudible puff of air. Spock looks back into Jim’s concerned eyes and says “I am adequate but it appears that the event has ended, do you require me to walk you home or the nearest transport?” Spock belatedly realizes this is only an attempt to elongate their time together because Jim is a fully grown man who most likely doesn’t need assistance in walking home.        </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>     However he feels a measure of delight when Kirk’s cheeks go rosy and he replies “I would like you walking me home very much.” Spock rises from his stool and extends his arm for Kirk to take. They begin to walk towards the exit, arms interlocked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Once outside, the chilly night air sends a shiver down Spock’s spine and he registers the closeness of the terran holiday, Christmas. Jim halts them at the bottom step of the event hall and takes his arm away in order to remove his beige flowy trench coat. He drapes it across Spock’s shoulders and smiles at Spock at eye level from his perch one step above Spock’s own. Jim drags his gloved hands down Spock’s arms from his shoulder. The moment feels much too intimate for two people who met that night to share, but Spock basks in it. The attention and the feeling of being cared for he hasn't felt since he was an adolescent. The guilt catches up quickly though and Spock says, “Jim I cannot take your coat from you,” as he goes to take it from his shoulders. Jim stops him with both hands descending onto his and holding them in place, Spock illogically thinks he feels tingles and heat from their point of contact. “I insist, I don’t live far away and you need it more than I do,” Jim placates. Jim jumps down from the bottom step and holds out his hand for Spock to take. He looks back just as Spock grasps his hand and Spock notes how beautiful a picture Jim makes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     As they start walking leisurely towards the edge of the starfleet academy campus, Spock has time to notice how Jim’s coat seems to harbor the heat of Jim’s own body still. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     They talk little the whole way to Jim’s senior dorms, simply basking in the city and its ambiance. When they get to the door of the dorm house Jim stops on a faded brown mat that says “welcome” in loopy letters, and turns around towards Spock, still holding his hand, “Thank you, for tonight, it was great. I...I don’t think I could've gotten through that without you, you’re amazing company in case you didn’t know.” Jim says as he squeezes Spock’s hand as if to enunciate his point. He smiles up at Spock with shining eyes and Spock thinks he feels his heart skip a beat at such beauty. Spock’s hands itch to touch skin for the first time in his life and the thought of James T. Kirk being his soulmate fills him with a euphoric light. That ratio again fills him with dread, the possibility that he wont have Jim’s mark to bear if in this instance his human side chooses not to show. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     His inner turmoil doesn’t stop him from responding, “Thank you, as are you, but with the amount of suitors you attracted I suppose I should be thanking you for keeping me company all night.” Jim’s smile dimms but he also huffs a laugh as he looks down at his feet. Spock almost berates himself for diminishing Kirk’s good mood but Jim looks back up at him with a twinkle in his eye. “Well, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>have a reputation, even if it is completely false.” Jim says with a rueful smile that tugs on Spock’s illogical heart-strings. “I did not mean for it to sound as such, I merely meant to convey how I am...lucky to have spent time with someone so beautiful tonight.” Spock says, “And I...hope to spend more time with you. If you would enjoy it?” Spock finishes with a flirtatious confidence he thinks might be a survival instinct of some sort because he’d never encountered it until that moment. Jim’s smile could be measured in watts and his cheeks in the stages of a ripening strawberry. “Luck and hope I can relate to, and I would love to go on an actual date...if that's what you’re proposing?” Jim says, hesitation growing at the end as if Spock isn’t completely sure he’d do anything to make Jim smile. “That is </span>
  <em>
    <span>precisely </span>
  </em>
  <span>what I am proposing.” Spock says down to Jim, his lips threatening mutiny for a smile, now holding both of Jim’s hands. “Oh well then who would they be to decline?” Jim says with a smirk. “How about dinner? Nothing fancy, but good food. Meet me here at 7 tomorrow if that works?” Jim questions hopefully. “That is indeed a convenient time.” Spock says. He leans down elegantly to press a kiss to both of Kirk’s clad hands, “See you soon las’hark.” Spock says before turning away and walking down the street. He hears a faint whisper of “see you soon,” from Jim and looks back just in time to see him turn away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>****</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>     Spock is turning onto his street when he notices the beige still swinging at his sides and is in his foyer when he breathes in the scent trapped in the fabric. </span>
  <em>
    <span>lemongrass</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chocolate Cake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Pls enjoy! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> The wait is illogically excruciating, time seeming to take slower to pass when all he needs it to do is go faster. Spock wakes from a jittery sleep and proceeds to dress and ready for his singular class that day, planning to stay at the academy and grade in hopes of easing time. </p><p>     It's hardly 11:30 when his class ends and barely touching 3:00 by the time he's graded every paper and given all the feedback he can. He huffs out air in the privacy of his office and begins to pack his things in preparation of leaving. He’s home by 3:30 and decides to meditate in order to gain more of a grip on his emotions and maybe work through a few of the ones pertaining to a certain someone. </p><p>****</p><p>     He comes to at 6:00. He, in all definitions of the word, scrambles. Losing all decorum, he rushes to take a sonic shower, get dressed and puts on makeup. He barely has time to admire his outfit of a black turtleneck, tucked into high-waisted maroon bell bottom pants and heeled white boots. As he runs out of the door the chill of the impending night hits him, he doubles-back to grab Jim’s coat and puts it on. </p><p>     It’s 6:52 when he leaves his house and tries to calculate how fast he must run to make it in time and realizes it is out of even his speed. He decides to run anyway and apologize for being late, which he’s never been before. He dodges the copious amount of people on the San Francisco streets as he runs halfway across campus. </p><p>     It's 7:03 when he finally turns onto Jim’s street and internally lets out a sigh of relief. He approaches Jim’s door and breathes deeply to settle his breathing and fix his hair, silently happy about his lack of sweat glands. He rings the bell, emitting a sharp but muffled buzzing sound, and is greeted seconds later by a very disgruntled looking man that isn’t Jim. “And who are you?” the man asks tiredly. “I am Spock, here for Jim.” Spock replies. “Awh yes, the Vulcan he wouldn’t shut up about.” The man says. “Jim! You’re vulcan is here!” The man screams into the house. The satisfaction Spock feels is totally unrelated to being called Jim's. A muffled, “Coming!” Is heard from somewhere up the stairs. The man turns towards Spock again, “I’m Leonard McCoy, Jim’s roommate and Best Friend. It's nice to meet you for now, but if you hurt him in any way it won't be.” Leonard stated. Spock begins to speak but is cut off by Jim saying “Bones, could you <em> not </em>terrorize him?!” Spock looks up at Jim and is struck dumb. There, standing at the bottom of the stairs is Jim. Wearing a deep purple long sleeve shirt, tucked into a long, flow-y black skirt, topped off with platform black boots and a leather jacket. Spock stares so long he could almost feel his second eyelid trying to close to contain moisture. He hears Leonard yell about “Look what you did Jim! You broke him already!” </p><p>     There’s a hand going in and out of his vision that makes him blink rapidly. “Hello Jim, if I had the adequate words to express how lovely you look I would be similar to ‘waxing poetics’.” Spock says to Jim, who is slowly making his way through the living room between them. “Why that's <em> most </em> flattering Mister Spock. I could also ‘wax poetic’ about how good you look in my coat.” Jim says with a teasing smile up to Spock. He feels his cheeks heat as he feels the need to...giggle, as if caught in an act. He goes to take the coat off with the intention of returning it when Jim’s hands once again stop him. “It looks better on you anyways, wear it.” Jim says in a no argument tone. A sudden gagging noise from his left, pops whatever bubble him and Jim occupied. “God y’all are disgusting and you barely met last night! Please leave before I throw up!” Leonard says with a sour look on his face. “Ok, ok. we’re leaving!” Jim says with a chuckle as he leans back and presses a gentle departing kiss to Leonard's cheek. Spock must cling to the fact that kisses between human friends are normal in order to not wallow in his own lack of kisses and hints of jealousy. “Bye Bones! See you later!” Jim says as he pushes Spock backwards out of the door. “Goodbye Leonard.” Spock says. McCoy simply waves at them both and shuts the door. </p><p>     They begin to walk down the street, arms once again interlocked and Jim’s hands once again gloved. Following Jim’s lead, they walk and Jim informs him of their destination, a fully vegetarian restaurant close by. He is almost surprised by Jim’s consideration, until he thinks about Jim’s nature of caring for others. “That sounds adequate Jim, thank you for picking somewhere vegetarian.” Spock says in reply. “No need to thank me, I’ve actually been trying to cut down on eating meat anyways. Living with a doctor will do that to you.” Jim says with a laugh. They talk the whole way there and are finally sitting at a booth in a secluded corner of the restaurant when the conversation finally lulls as they look at the menus floating in front of them. The silence allows Spock’s eyes to take to the gloves again and he feels the question come out before he really thinks about his words. “Jim, why do you wear the gloves?” Spock says. Jim freezes and lowers his menu to look at Spock in a way that made him want to look behind him for something frightening. “I... uhm, it's cold?” Jim says and if Spock didn’t know he was a bad liar before, he sure does now. “We are inside.” Spock says in refute. “O well...uhm, ok. I guess now is as good a time as any. You know how humans have...soulmates?” Jim asks. Spock merely nods his head to the unnecessary inquiry. “Well I, obviously, haven't found mine yet, or at least I think, and I don’t wanna tie some poor person to me because I accidentally touched their skin with mine. Sure there's a beauty to the system, the beauty of knowing, but I also believe that everyone should have a choice. If someone doesn’t wanna be tied to me for the rest of their lives they have the comfort of never knowing.” Jim finishes his reply with a huff that vocalizes the amount of times he’s had to explain himself on this subject. Spock instantly feels regretful for asking but also a righteous anger at whoever would turn down being connected to such a person. “I must say...that is, virtuous, of you, but I simply can’t fathom someone being able to just walk away from you, to never touch your skin, not once. To think anyone would feel...trapped, to be with you is baffling.” Spock says as he picks up one of Jim’s hands in both of his. “Why Mister Spock, you seem to be waxing poetic now.” Jim says shakily as his cheeks turn pink. “I come with baggage.” Jim finishes. Spock tilts his head in a way to indicate confusion and Jim tries to pull his hand away to wring his own two together in nervousness. “You know, or maybe you actually don’t.” Jim says with a chuckle lacking mirth. “Emotional baggage, and a lot of it.” Jim finishes, looking down in his own lap as if shameful of his emotions, akin to how Spock was with his own emotions. “Don't we all?” Spock asks with conviction. “Jim, your emotions and your past do not scare me, they never will.” Spock is leaning forward now, in a way to get his point closer to its receiver. Jim looks up into the chocolate eyes he's already so fond of looking into and sees utter certainty. He smiles weakly and nods, “Ok.” Jim says and he squeezes the hand in his. Spock is secretly thankful to his mother and sister for teaching him the intricacies of human emotion and how to respond to it from a young age. </p><p>   This is the most serious moment of the night, the rest spent filled with banter and discussion over pasta and soup. </p><p>    The night comes winding down as their plates are taken away and Jim orders a slice of chocolate cake for desert. Spock falters in telling Jim he can’t eat it without consequences Spock would deem, embarrassing. The cake arrives and Jim has already taken a fork and scooped off the tip , holding it out for Spock to take. Spock is helpless to the attention and takes the bite into his own mouth. The flavor explodes on his tongue and while it is not completely exotic it is still unfamiliar. He chews and swallows, looking at Jim taking his own bite. This back and forth goes until the piece is completely gone and Spock cant help himself from feeling immensely cared for from the tender way Jim fed him. He’s begun to feel floaty, his eyelids drooping. “Jim, you are immensely beautiful. The light of a Las’hark all around you, with the masutra in your eyes.” Spock says suddenly. Jim’s eyes widen, his cheeks heat and he laughs in astonishment. “Thank you Spock! I may not know much Vulcan but that was very pretty, just like yourself.” Jim says with a smirk. Spock realizes he's lost most of his control as he reaches for Kirk’s hand once again but this time brings it up to his own flushed cheeks and begins to rub Jim’s knuckles across his cheek. He slowly comes to a halt as he hears Jim calling his name. “ I seem to have...had a lapse in judgment when I...withheld the fact that chocolate makes me inebriated, as alcohol would a human.” Spock forces out. “I did not know it would still have such a strong effect on me.” Spock says distractedly. Jim simply stares at him until he slowly starts to laugh, the sound spurs Spock on to resume his hand to cheek rub. “Oh no, Spock, our first date and you get hammered!” Jim laughs. “Why didn’t you just tell me sweetheart? I didn’t mean to pressure you into eating the cake.” Jim says with a hint of guilt. “I am quite glad I did not ashayam, I enjoyed being fed by you.” Spock says almost absentmindedly. Jim nearly chokes on his own spit at the confession but it still warms his heart. “Well on that note I think I should get you home honey.” Jim says as Spock has to fight a whimper at the thought of being separated from Jim. He pays with one hand and stands to gather Spock from his seat. He comes willingly, all but plastering himself to Jim’s right side. It made an awkward picture, a tall, lanky vulcan man bending down to cuddle a stouter human with very red cheeks. </p><p>     They get a street away from the restaurant like this, with the addition of Spock’s feline-like purr now revving up. Jim would think it was adorable if not for the circumstances it sprang from. He stops them at a street corner. “Spock, sweetheart, which way do you live?” Jim asks. Spock looks at him with confused and foggy eyes. “Will you be staying with me?” Spock asks. “No honey, I’m gonna get you home though. Ok?” Jim asks kindly. Spock full on pouts and simply says, “No.” “No?” Jim asks incredulously. “No, need to be with you.” Spock exclaims, looking Jim directly in the eye. Jim privately compares him to a petulant child. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea Spock, you’re in no state to be making decisions.” Jim says gently. Spock simply pouts again, “But...I like you a lot. You are very warm and pretty and nice.” Spock tried to explain. While Jim is immensely flattered, he doesn’t want waking up in his house tomorrow morning to scare Spock off. He finally gives in as Spock simply lays on his shoulder, eyes closed, purring up a storm. “Ok then.” Jim says with finality. Jim turns them around the corner they’re on and they head to Jim’s dorms. </p><p>     When they arrive, Jim gets them both through the door and decides to just take them up to his own room. Getting up the 12 steps proves to be much harder than anticipated but they get there. At the landing of the second story they’re greeted by a sleep ruffled Bones coming from one of the rooms to inspect the loud noises. Leonard takes three steps towards the pair before a growling begins from the beige bundle clinging to Jim and stops him from coming closer. “What the hell is going on Jim?” Bones asks. “Well, I may have...gotten him drunk, on accident! Obviously! He apparently gets drunk off, chocolate?” Jim explains unsure. “Why did you bring him here and not take him home?” Bones questions again. Before Jim can answer, a slender finger is poking into the right side of his ribs. Jim looks down and grabs the hand in a soothing manner, “Yes, honey?” Jim asks. “I do not like him, he is intimidating and gets kisses.” Spock says, growl at the end involuntary. Jim laughs from his belly and looks up to Bones shocked expression, which only makes him laugh harder. “Oh sweetheart, Bones is as sweet as a peach when you really know him! Plus he only gets kisses cause he's family to me.” Jim says with a soft smile.</p><p>    Just then another door opens and out comes a gorgeous Orion woman. “Would you guys stop yapping so fucking loud?” The woman asks sarcastically. “Sorry Gaila, we’ll be quieter, go back to bed.” Jim says with a note of apprehension. “Oooo wait, who do you have here?” Gaila asks in a teasing voice. She comes closer but the same growl that stopped Bones, stops Gaila. Jim laughs a little awkwardly but pulls Spock closer to him with the hand around his slumped shoulders. “This is my date, Spock. He's very drunk and apparently gets possessive and sleepy. So, we're gonna go to bed.” Jim states. Jim gives the both a smile and says goodnight as he walks away. </p><p>     He finally makes it to his own single dorm room, right next to Bones’ own room, and takes them both to the bed. He plops them both down on the edge of the bed and begins to pry Spock off of him in order to change. Once he's successful he stands up and begins getting ready for bed. He slowly takes off all of his jewelry, then his jacket and then his makeup. He looks at the bed and sees Spock simply looking at him with a fond smile. The level of Spock’s regard for him, drunk or not, should scare him a little, but he recognizes the level of his own fondness could match that of Spock's. </p><p>     He hands a makeup wipe to Spock, acknowledging that he also has to get him ready for bed. “Thank you las’hark.” Spock says in reply to Jim’s makeup removing offering. Jim silently wonders what the word means but concludes it can wait until a later time. Jim wanders over to his dresser and grabs two of his sweatshirts and two pairs of plaid pajama pants, one pair being his longest ones in hope of accommodating Spock’s long legs. He places the longer blue pants and a black sweatshirt down next to Spock. “Could you maybe turn around while I change?” Jim asks insecurely. “Of course ashayam, if it is more comfortable for you.” Spock says in reply and turns toward the wall the bed is pressed up against. Jim quickly changes into his own grey plaid pants and maroon sweatshirt to fight off the chill of the winter night. “Okie dokie, I’m done. You’re turn.” Jim says with a hint of humor. Spock turns around and simply scoots to the edge of the bed and holds both of his arms out straight, in the universal sign of ‘give me a hug’. Jim's comes over and stands in the V of Spock’s legs as Spock wraps both of his arms around Jim’s midsection. The purring starts up again as Jim’s, finally un-gloved, hands run through Spock’s still immaculate jet black hair. </p><p>     “Alright drunkard, time to change.” Jim says with a laugh a few minutes later. “But you are soft.” Spock says into his tummy.”And I will still be soft when we get into bed.” Jim says with a chuckle. Spock grunts but relinquishes his hold and stands. Jim peels back the comforter and sheet and slips into bed, still sitting up with his back resting on the wall. Spock doesn’t seem to share Jim’s own conservative-ness, alcohol or no, and begins peeling his layers away. Jim sits back and basks in the domestic feeling of it all, as if they’ve been doing this for years already. </p><p>     Spock finishes and shuffles over to the bed. He dives for the corner, where the bed is tucked into, and pulls the covers over himself. Jim here’s him mumble something about lemongrass before he’s being gently tugged down to cuddle. They shift into a spoon position, Jim being cradled to the vulcan's chest. While the vulcan adds no source of heat, being much colder than the average human, he does add an immense comfort. Jim falls asleep to Spock’s sleep purring vibrating against his back. </p><p>****</p><p>     Without either of their knowledge, in the middle of the night, a large spindly hand finds its way under a maroon sweatshirt to rest on the skin of a hip. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OMG!! the amazing @sunshine—sketches on tumblr (https://sunshine--sketches.tumblr.com/) drew a rendition of the outfits from this chapter and it’s beautiful!! <br/>(https://sunshine--sketches.tumblr.com/post/633795472377692160/image-id-two-digital-drawings-of-kirk-and-spock)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Morning After</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is pretty short but enjoy! &lt;3<br/>**slight Trigger Warning: this chapter depicts a panic attack, its not severe or even detailed at all but it is there and i will put + when it starts and ends.** (this is also simply how i would like someone to handle me having a panic attack in front of them so it obviously might be different from how you’d like to be comforted!)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> Jim awakes at some time after 8 am from the most restful sleep he’s had in years. He slowly wiggles around and lifts the hand secured around his waist in order to get out of bed. He gathers clothes and his bucket of toiletries with the intention of grabbing a shower. He sneaks out of the room and hopes Spock doesn’t wake up when he’s gone. He gets to the showers and slowly undresses. He’s still foggy brained and blind because of his lack of contacts but he finds his way into a shower and turns it on. From the corner of his left eye he sees something black, and it seems to be attached to him. He looks down questioningly and sees a black mark seared into his skin...in the shape of a hand, at least he thinks. </p>
<p>     He jumps out of the shower, grabs a towel and his glasses, and runs for the mirrors. He gasps at what he sees. </p>
<p>     On his left hip is the large black mark of a splayed out hand residing on his hip. The peak of the thumb reaches almost to his last rib and the pinky meets right where a pair of pants would usually fall. The heel of the palm settles right over a love handle and the longest finger seems to reach for his belly button. After a slow few minutes of processing, he slowly traces over the outline of the hand and shivers. He knows it can only belong to one person, the one in his bed. He quickly dries and dresses, grabs his things and runs back to his room for a seemingly useless confirmation of what must be true. </p>
<p>     Even in his haste, he tries not to wake Spock and carefully sets down his things. He tip toes to the bed and is immensely grateful that Spock is either a really deep sleeper or has a really bad hangover. He lifts the covers and looks for Spock’s hands. He finds one and sees no black but flips the other and his mouth falls open in belated shock. Spock’s entire left hand’s palm is black. Jim softly sets Spock’s hand down and covers him up again. </p>
<p>    + He sits in his oversized bean bag in the corner of his room and contemplates what to do. He rationalizes that this could be a good thing, that Spock will want him, but his insecurities seem to scream at him that no one ever could. The emotions Jim feels, seem to whir and bounce endlessly around his brain. They range from an almost blinding white hope to a black mist of self loathing. they clog his throat and make his ears ring. He's so overwhelmed he doesn't register the tears coating his cheeks. </p>
<p>     Jim sits there for almost fifteen minutes, knees to chest, simply processing. </p>
<p>     A soft “Jim?” and movement from the opposite corner has Jim wiping his eyes and standing so fast he gets even more dizzy, the room spins. He doesn’t step any closer but he does reply weakly, “Hey Spock”, from his position. Spock looks up at him and for a few moments he's shocked to see what must be Spock’s second eyelid but they disappear only a few moments later. “You look very nice in glasses.” Spock blurts but he seems to look closer and an odd furrow is created between his brows. “Have you been...crying?” Spock asks with a confused tilt of his head. Spock springs up from the edge of the bed as he walks towards Jim. Jim starts breathing hard again and puts a hand up to stop him from coming even closer and Spock stops immediately. “Have I…Did I hurt you?” Spock asks with a heartbroken look. Spock thinks back to last night, suddenly thankful chocolate does not have the effect of memory loss that alcohol seems to have on humans, remembering that while it was supremely embarrassing, he did nothing harmful towards Jim. “N...no, no. Just...look at your hands.” Jim breaks him out of his analysis by saying. He looks up to Jim with confusion on his face, but when he finds no answer on Jim’s face, he finally looks down. +</p>
<p>****</p>
<p>     <em> “Mother, do you think I will have a soulmate?” A small four year old Spock asks his human mother. “I think everyone has a soulmate out there, someone that compliments them in a way it can be called nothing else. Humans simply have marks to confirm such things. So, whether you end up bearing a mark or not, I do believe you will find them. Whoever and wherever they are, you’ll find them.” His mother replies from her garden bench perch, while stroking Spock’s cheek gently.  </em></p>
<p>****</p>
<p>    + Spock’s breath seems to still in his chest as he sees the blackness of his left palm. An overwhelming elation fills his chest, where air used to be, but a cloud of confusion dims it. Why was Jim crying? “Why are you crying?” Spock asks gently. Jim looks dumbfounded as he glances between Spock’s hand and his face. Jim tries to speak but simply stops and turns his left side towards Spock. He lifts his shirt to reveal the black handprint that matches Spock’s palm, his hands are shaking and cold. </p>
<p>     Spock feels a deep primal satisfaction he quickly stomps out. He slowly steps forward, towards Jim, neither of them speak, the only noise coming from their breathing. Jim fists the shirt he’s wearing. Spock notices Jim’s heaving chest and eyes brimmed with tears, he suddenly diverts his attention. Spock gently puts his unmarked hand on Jim’s cheek, they both gasp, Jim’s eyes shooting open, at the simple feeling of touch. Spock’s black palmed hand meets Jim’s other cheek and his thumbs work to remove the leftover and continuing tears from Jim's cheeks. Jim’s hands have left his shirt and landed on Spock’s hips, fisting the sweatshirt there. “Oh, my las’hark...Jim, please do not cry.” Spock says. With his fingers being so close to Jim’s meld points, Spock can feel Jim’s mind pulling him in, or at least wanting to. He can feel the strongest of what Jim is feeling easily. He feels Jim’s fear, self loathing and the feeling of just being overwhelmed. </p>
<p>     Instead of trying to talk, Spock simply wraps his arms around Jim and slowly maneuvers them to be sitting on the carpeted floor. They’re a tangle of limbs, practically in each other’s laps, but Jim’s head is on Spock’s chest and their arms are wound around each other. Spock starts to purr lowly for Jim, recognizing its comforting capabilities from his childhood with a human sister. </p>
<p>     They sit there in silence, except for Spock’s rumbling purr and Jim’s slowly decreasing heart beat, for almost half an hour. Spock may not fully understand why Jim reacted this way, but he will learn with time and patience so he simply does what he can. +</p>
<p>     Jim breaks the silence. “I...I’m sorry.” He says. “You do not need to apologize but if you would like to...talk about it, I am here.” Spock says in reply, his cheek on top of Jim’s blond head. Jim finally pulls away to look Spock in the eye, his eyes are puffy and red but his cheeks are dry. “I’m really not sure...<em> what </em> to say. I’m just...overwhelmed, I guess. I mean, here comes this amazing guy who's just the sweetest person in the world and doesn’t treat me like, like a...thing or a notch on a bedpost. Who I feel an actual connection to and he just happens to be my...soulmate, and I just can’t help but think he deserves so much better than what he was just, nonconsensually, <em> tied </em> to. It all just seems way too good to be true, I never thought I’d have that...or, or <em> this </em> . I had resigned myself long ago to being alone or someone’s second choice, I’m just so... <em> used </em> to being left or forgotten.” Jim looks up from his hands that are in his lap, into Spock’s eyes and only sees acceptance and encouragement. “I was terrified when I found the mark earlier. I was so scared of rejection from...from the one person that’s supposed to <em> always be there </em> for you...to <em> love </em> you unconditionally. I guess...that’s why I protect myself with the gloves, it’s not a totally selfless act.” Jim laughs mirthlessly, feeling the heat behind his eyes trying to start again. “And then I just started...overthinking and panicking, just waiting for you to say you didn’t want me and I just...I couldn’t handle it.” Jim finally takes a large breath, breathing in and out to stop his racing heart. Spock brushes the back of his hand against Jim’s cheek, an illogical need to see his beautiful eyes again. “I too did not think I would be granted this. A person intended for me and I for them. I especially did not foresee being granted one of such lure, in mind and body.” Spock stops as he hears a snicker from Jim. “ <em> Lure </em>, huh?” Jim asks jokingly. Spock puts both his hands on Jim’s cheeks and makes him look at him directly. “Yes, Lure...When I first met you at that event, I had such an illogical pull to you. You brought back my childish wonder about having a...soulmate, simply with your presence. I yearned for you then and I yearn for you so much now, to be with you, to bask in your light for as long as you will let me.” Although this is said monotonously, Jim can see the emotion in Spock’s eyes and in the lines of his face. “I know your insecurities run much deeper than to be cured by simply this, but I would be...honored to help you realize how much you are wanted and needed. You have already given me a piece of my humanity I thought I would not ever experience.” Spock finishes with a soft look and a caressing hand pushing back Jim’s floppy locks from his face. </p>
<p>     “Thank you.” Jim says simply. Spock nods softly and then unravels to standing, Jim follows.</p>
<p>    They stand face to face , Jim cupping both of Spock’s cheeks. “You’re amazing...thank you.” Jim says reverently while looking into Spock’s eyes. Jim slowly inches forward, and gets up on his tippy toes to gently press his lips to both cheeks before hovering over Spock’s lips. “May I?” Jim asks in a whisper. “yes please.” Spock says in the same whisper, their lips almost brushing. Jim surges forward and their lips come together in a sloppy way, their noses bumping, but it’s filled with just the right unidentifiable emotion. They part slowly, Jim falling on his heels and Spock squeezing Jim’s hips where his hands migrated to under Jim’s sweatshirt. Jim smiles wide and they both seem to feel a lightness in their chests, one that comes with an electric bundle of feelings your happy to have.</p>
<p>     A ping from Jim’s padd alerts them that the world is still turning. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>if you’d like to know what happened between the ++<br/>1. it was simply Jim panicking and going into the fetal position in a bean bag bc he’s overwhelmed, this goes on for 15 min until Spock wakes up and gets his attention, jim shows spock his hand print<br/>2. While Jim panics, Spock uses the same technique he used for his sister michael when she had panic attacks, he simply held him and offered comfort</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. There’s a Vulcan Way?!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>can anyone TELL i’m projecting lmao ??<br/>pls enjoy!&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim walks towards his desk and looks at his padd seeing that it’s nearing 10 am. He’s suddenly thankful for his lack of classes on Tuesdays. “Oh, do you have any classes to teach today? It’s almost ten and I didn’t think about it last night. You’re a very clingy and jealous drunk if you didn’t know.” Jim says teasingly. He turns around to see the vulcan’s cheeks go very tinted, up to the little tips of his ears. “I deeply apologize for last night, I am also sorry if anything I did made you uncomfortable. I do have full memory of what happened because unlike alcohol on humans, chocolate does not cause any form of memory loss for Vulcans.” Spock says bashfully. He feels the need to start shuffling his feet. “Oh sweetheart, I didn’t mind any of it, it was actually very...cute.” Jim reassures Spock. “I have two classes but they are later in the day, at 2 and then at 4.” Spock provides belatedly. “Oh good, then we have time to get breakfast together!...if you’d like of course.” Jim says excitedly. He may be a little drained but he knows after years of therapy that having comforts, like a favorite diner with your favorite breakfast foods served 24/7, can be very helpful in lifting your mood. “I would love to accompany you to breakfast but I do need to freshen up before we depart.” Spock says calmly. “Of course Mr.Spock. I can show you the bathrooms and you can just borrow my soaps and stuff.” Jim says casually, his hip leaning on his desk as he scrolls through something on his padd. “That would be satisfactory, thank you.” Spock says. Jim puts his padd down and goes to retrieve all that Spock needs, pulling a towel from his closet and his tub of toiletries. Spock gathers his clothes strewn about, placing them on the bed, and waits for Jim. </p><p>     Jim leads him down the hall and tells him to take his time with a smile and a kiss on the cheek. Spock stops in front of a stall and undresses, his chest light and a much deeper understanding of why his mother and sister love smiling. Spock goes about his business, glancing at his hand every few minutes, and finishes in ten minutes. He walks back to Jim’s room in just his boxers and a towel on his head. He knocks lightly on the door and walks in with confirmation. Spock looks up to see a very red cheeked Jim looking at him, or more specifically his body, paused in putting on mascara in a little desk mirror. “Oh…wow,hey.” Jim says nervously, eyes flitting away and back to the mirror. “Hello Las’hark.” Spock steps closer and bends down to kiss Jim on the cheek. This brings Jim’s eyes back to Spock and he suddenly stops again, giggling lowly as he watches Spock walk towards the bed. Spock enjoys the sound so he doesn’t question what Jim is laughing at, he gets an answer anyways. </p><p>     “I love your little hair turban.” Jim says in between giggles. Spock turns to Jim and his cheeks heat. He knows Jim isn’t making actual fun of him but there’s something about the fondness it’s said that makes him flustered. “You are so unbelievably adorable.” Jim finishes and applies the rest of his mascara. </p><p>     A few minutes pass, the only sound being the low rhythm of a radio station playing from Jim’s padd. Fully dressed, with the exception of shoes, Spock asks what the weather will be like. “It’s pretty cold today, high is 52 and there’s a high chance of rain too.” Jim pauses in applying lipstick to say, “If you need to borrow more clothes you can go ahead.” Jim continues. Spock looks around and spots the oversized black sweatshirt he was wearing last night. He slips it on over the black turtleneck and admires his outfit in the full length mirror Jim has on his wall. His maroon bell bottoms and layered shirts look good and it’ll feel complete with his boots, makeup and Jim’s trench coat. </p><p>     “Hey Sweetheart do you want a turn at the makeup counter?” Jim asks with a laugh. “Yes I do.” is all Spock says as he goes to sit down in the desk chair. He becomes engrossed in doing his makeup, focusing to do his eyeliner and eyebrows. Once he’s done he gets up to get his boots, seeing as it’s almost ten, but stops to admire Jim’s outfit and just how pretty his soulmate is. Jim is wearing fishnet tights under a mid-thigh, tight jean skirt and an oversized dark grey turtleneck cable knit sweater, almost covering the skirt. He’s also putting on the same black platform boots from the night before. Spock is taking Jim in for so long that Jim finally turns to him and smiles softly, “Is this your way of saying I look good?” Jim teases with a laugh. “You far surpass the adjective of good, my Las’hark.” Spock says as he finally bends down to get his boots on. “What does that mean?...Las’hark I mean.” Jim asks as he puts on jewelry. “It means sun in Vulcan.” Spock answers simply as he slips into Jim’s jacket. “Oh wow, that’s actually really cute.” Jim says with a huge smile. “If it didn’t mess up my lipstick I’d kiss you.” Jim continues with a laugh. “We can always kiss the vulcan way.” Spock suggests shyly. “Theres a vulcan way?!” Jim says excitedly. He bounces over to where Spock is sitting on his bed and waits for instructions. “Vulcans usually kiss with their hands, like so.” Spock extends his first two fingers, Jim copies easily and their fingers caress, sending shocks up both their arms and resulting in blushes on their cheeks. </p><p>     “What happens if we hold hands?” Jim asks innocently. He doesn’t move to grasp Spock’s hand, he simply waits for Spock to answer as he moves his two fingers up and down Spock’s own two. Spock shivers slightly while staring at their hands and swallows noisily. “Holding hands, as you say, is vulcan equivalent to...a human would say, ‘making out’. It is something very intimate and usually only seen between bonded pairs, and almost never in public.” Spock takes a deep breath. “Is this too much for you?” Jim asks politely, referring to their still touching hands. “No!” Spock says a little too quickly. Jim simply smiles and keeps caressing Spock’s fingers. “It is very stimulating and I have never done it for this long with anybody but I find it very nice.” Spock says shyly. “I am not sure if you’re aware but Vulcans are highly touch telepathic and our hands are highly sensitive areas. They are natural erogenous zones for vulcans and with the addition of telepathic sensitivity, they become a very taboo area...Touch in general is seen as something very intimate.” Spock says factually. “Oh wow, I don't know why I didn’t put those dots together. I just thought vulcans didn’t like touch but now I know its just not seen in public...Its actually quite cute if you think about it.” Jim says with a smile. “We should stop if we are to get to breakfast.” Spock says shyly. Jim smiles and takes away his fingers. “You are most definitely right, I didn’t know how much seeing you flustered would affect me.” Jim says lightly while caressing Spock’s jawline, with the same two fingers he’d been using to kiss, while making eye contact. Spock closes his eyes and tilts his head to allow more access and starts to lowly purr, his hands are dropped between his knees and they slowly start to play with the fishnets around Jim’s thigh. As Jim continues, adding more fingers and travelling down under Spock’s turtleneck, he bends down to whisper into Spock’s ear. “Is this ok sweetheart?” Jim asks, while scratching Spock’s scalp where his hairline meets his neck. Spock nods his head rapidly and brings his hands up to Jim’s hips, gripping the heavy sweater that lays there. </p><p>     This peculiar petting goes on for a few minutes, them simply touching and basking in each other, before Jim finally cups Spock’s face and caresses his cheeks. “Open your eyes honey.” Spock opens his eyes dazedly. “We’re <em> never </em> gonna get to breakfast at this rate.” Jim says jokingly, a smirk on his face. “You started it.” Spock says petulantly, diving into Jim’s stomach eerily reminiscent of an actual cat. Jim lets out a booming laugh. “I might have but now I’m hungry.” Jim says with an honest to god bottom lip pout. Spock looks at him and huffs, even if he’d deny it. “I too require sustenance.” Spock says, defeated. </p><p>     Spock stands up, ‘discreetly’ readjusts and starts walking to the door right behind Jim. Jim stops them right before the door. “How do you feel about PDA?” Jims asks curiously, turning back towards him. Spock thinks about it for a second. “I have never experienced it first hand so i cannot give a definitive answer, however I would like to stay within my culture by saying no ‘hand holding’ please...If you could ask before initiating any physical affection in public, I would appreciate that.” Spock says. Jim nods his head with a smile. “Oh I’ll gladly do that! Off we go then!” Jim says excitedly, spinning back to the door and throwing it open theatrically. </p>
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